How To Make Friends As An Adult (Hint: It’s A Lot Like Dating)

Making friends is a lot like dating: Things seemed easier in college. In college, you are surrounded by an endless supply of potential friends: your roommate, others in your dorm hall, classmates, clubs, and intramurals. But once you graduate, making friends becomes a lot harder, and potential friends seem much more scarce. Why is making friends as an adult so hard, The podcast “This American Life” recently featured a story about a man who was trying to set up his friend with another potential friend. The story chronicled their nervousness and apprehension before meeting (“What are we going to talk about,”) to their post-friend date assessment (both would be willing to hang out again at some point).

I also recently heard about two mothers creating an app called MomCo to help other moms meet potential new friends. And the popular dating app Bumble recently unveiled an extension of their service called BumbleBFF for making friends. Clearly, making friends as an adult requires some effort, and people are looking for some help. But, the same three tricks we all use to “get out there” and meet potential boyfriends also apply to meeting and making friends. If you're looking to make friends, being bold is the best approach. Dr. Irene S. Levine, in an interview for The Wall Street Journal, says although you might feel like you are the only person out there who lacks friends, it’s absolutely not true.

Other like-minded people are looking to develop friendships, so being bold alerts others that you are open to a possible friendship. My friend Mark says he had a great friendship with a coworker but worried that they would never spend time with each other outside of work once the coworker completed their internship. He eventually pushed aside his fear of being vulnerable and asked him if he wanted to hang out after work. His coworker said “yes” of course! So, if you think you and an acquaintance have a lot in common, don’t be shy. Chances are, they’re probably interested in becoming better friends with you, too. Whether you're an introvert or extrovert, we all have challenges when it comes to making friends. Introverts, especially, may find it hard to put themselves out there.

Just like when we go out to parties or to grab drinks with some new guy, it can be nerve wracking to sit across from a new friend and make conversation. My friend Teresa says that meeting other “mom friends” can be hard as an introvert. But she says bringing along another person to your friend-date can make it feel less awkward, almost like a double date. Teresa also finds it helpful to invite the potential friend to a group outing or event so it’s not just the two of you meeting over a cup of coffee with the potential for awkward silences.